"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn’t work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."

"But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips."

the search

icodeforlove:

Who can code and/or design? I’m trying to assemble an amazing group of coders/designers… With a common goal of taking over the interwebs.

Join him.  He’s cool.  If I could I would.

Where The Hell Have I Been?!

Good question, sir, good question.

I have been on a wonderfully illuminating journey of self-discovery. No.

I have been pondering the meaning and direction of my life? No.

I have been trying to figure my shit out.  That’s better.

My last blog post I thought was the end of my WTF-am-I-doing phase, but I was wrong.  I had a long way to go.  I still do, but I’m through the worst of it.  The biggest thing I had to do was leave LA.  Jack Kerouac said it best in On The Road, “LA is the loneliest and most brutal of American cities…”

So I’m out.  After a week on driving my packed VW Golf clear from sea to shining sea, I’m home.  I’ve been home in Manchester, CT for about a month and a half.  I feel 10000000 times better.  The location was definitely half of it.  The other half was that driving for 5 days by yourself gives you a lot of time to think and reflect.  I came to some realizations.

One of them was that we all have multiple personalities.  Mine are: the geeky girl that would love nothing more than a 1 TB music collection, a computer and time to herself to think and create; the social butterfly with a mind for networking and marketing, who wants to talk to and be liked by everyone; the overly-sensitive, overly-emotional girl who strives for a connection with someone other than the characters in her books; and various other evil twins that come out of hiding every now and then.  A lot of times these personalities clash and the lines get crossed.  I fought with myself a lot over them, but I’ve come to the realization that I am who I am.  Deal with it.

Another thing I figured out was blogging.  I have always loved blogging and writing, and when I forced myself to figure out my problem with it, I had a bit of trouble.  But eventually I realized that I had lost sight of why I had started blogging about technology in the first place.  I did it to learn more about startups and technology so I could do my own startup.  Then, I got so consumed with the business of blogging, that I was letting my startup suffer for the sake of blogging.  Bottom line: I made a big mess of things.

So I gave up TechNews.LA, SiliconCalley.com, and CalleyNye.com.  I’d like to be able to say that it was some bold, meaningful move on my part, but I really was just too broke to renew them.  Oh well.  Thankfully, I had 2-year subscriptions on my startup domains, lol.

So what’s done is done.  I can only move forward now.  I am in CT, equidistant from Boston and NYC (expect to see me in both cities often), I have a part-time job so I can recover from my Year Of Zero Income in LA, and am using my free time to read as much as possible, write as much as possible (short stories, for now), learn as much as possible (MySQL and PHP currently), and get out and enjoy life as much as possible. My blog will reflect that, and in general, will have no purpose or aim, whatsoever.

I am currently in East Sandwich in Cape Cod, in a house on the beach, watching the waves roll in.  (Fun Fact: Sandwich, MA was the first settlement of Nyes in the United States.  I am getting back to my roots people!)  All week I have done nothing but sit in the sun, walk on the beach, and read.  It’s been quite nice.

Well, I’m glad to be writing again, and I hope you all have been well.  But it’s low tide, and I am determined to find a sand dollar, so I will speak to you all later!  Ta-ta!

XOXO

Calley